Friday, April 21, 2006

On My Mind

I just wanted to share something about marriage that I think about so much and feel God wants me to share.

I love my husband. No two people could be more different than my hubby and me. Two different backgrounds, two different worlds WHICH MEANS two different methods of communicating and two different ways of thinking.

We were only together 6 months when we decided we were going to be married, although we had talked about it almost from our first date. 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 2 days after our very first date we were married. He had just turned 36 3 weeks earlier and I turned 25 8 days later. When we got married I got the bonus of a BEAUTIFUL 7, nearly 8 year old daughter...what a gift.

His background = wealthy, hispanic, catholic
My background = poor, anglo, protestant


While we were dating he decided to move back to his hometown to start a new career. I stayed where I was and finished that semester at school. We never had the option of pre-marital counseling because we spent the last 5 months of dating 10 hours apart. (did that make sense?)

We were married, then....the reality of our differences became apparent. The first 8 months were rough, to say the least....we were best friends and worst enemies...back and forth we was a ROLLER COASTER ride. We had no clue what we were doing...who does?

After a few months of marriage we attended a marraige seminar at our church. During that seminar we attended a "breakaway" that was taught by a local Christian counselor and his wife. So when we kept running into the same issues over the next few months we gave him a call.....THANK THE LORD!

We have learned tools of communicating, we have learned how to APPRECIATE our differences instead of trying to make the other conform...

Let me ask you a couple questions...
Do you treasure your spouse? When you're with a group of other people, away from your spouse, are you tempted to go along with the crowd and talk negative about your spouse? Do you talk about how attractive other men are?(or women if you're a man reading this)...even if it's a celebrity, a stranger or even someone you know....Do you dread him/her coming home at the end of the day???

Society, in my opinion, doesn't encourage loving relationships. Watch the relationships of the couples on any sitcom...RARELY will you find a couple that doesn't bicker CONSTANTLY, tease, make fun of, talk lustfully of others etc....these things INFILTRATE our minds and become our reality. It doesn't have to be that way.

In our marriage we have made it our goal to be happy...a happy marriage doesn't happen without work on BOTH parts. You can have MORE than a mediocre marriage, but you have to want it and be willing to do what it takes. Sacrifice, compromise, effort, time, selflessness....these are all things that we are all "told" we should have to do or give up...but to better our relationships these things are REQUIRED! If you focus on your attitude, pray for the right attitude when you are feeling like you don't want to do something for him...GOD will give you the right attitude and you can be a blessing to your hubby.

I get an email from The Generous Wife EVERYDAY with an idea of how to bless my husband that day. Not all of them apply but they have some FANTASTIC ideas! I have been working on keeping the house CLEAN and the laundry DONE so when my hubby comes home he can relax, AND SO CAN I! It really is a blessing to us both, and it changes the whole mood in our home.

I will never listen to those you say "give it a few more years, it will change"...I heard that from the women I worked with when I got engaged...I have never heard more negative talk about ANY SUBJECT than I did about marriage...I can HONESTLY tell you that we've been together for 5 1/2 years (married 4 1/2) and we are closer, more open, more honest, fight less, cuddle more, hold hands, and enjoy each other's company MORE AND MORE each day...We are DAILY trying to find ways to let the other know that they are loved and I BELIEVE it will continue because WE WANT and WE CHOOSE for it to....

We NEVER EVER in 5 1/2 years of being together have ever mentioned another person as being a crush, or attractive...We just don't...I have never felt like I'm competing with ANYBODY, instead, he lets me know there is NO COMPETITION to me!! I do the same...I only have eyes for HIM! response to the whole "nothing wrong with looking at the menu" cliche...why would you STILL be looking at the menu if you've already ordered? Unless you're thinking of ordering something else.... It's unhealthy for your marriage and even if you don't think so it really can't make you or him feel good or secure...

We never talk bad about the other, even when we are upset with each other. We just don't, and we don't talk about the other's shortcomings, weaknesses or the issues we have with each other TO unedifying to your marriage.

We aren't sarcastic to one another...I'm not saying we don't joke around and have fun...but when sarcasm becomes your USUAL method of communications it can start to hurt and build resentment...even in teasing, it can get really old really fast and it stops being funny.

We AREN'T PERFECT AT ALL! I'm still VERY SENSITIVE and he is still very MATTER OF FACT and he can get really mad or irritated about "little things" and I can get really hurt by "little things"...but we've learned how to work this out, how to deal with it...we might not grab the tools when issues first come up but we sure have learned to grab them before things escalate to a huge argument. I've stopped expecting him to be like me and I've accepted HIM 100% and I've found value in his ways and realized I'M NOT ALWAYS RIGHT and IT'S NEVER ALL HIS FAULT..GASP...these are probably the BIGGEST lessons I think I've learned. We still do have big arguments occasionally, and we RETURN to our trusty counselor to help us remember what to do. Don't be afraid to seek out help and wise counsel...don't be embarrassed or can save your marriage and improve your marriage even if it's not at the point of breaking up.

My husband is a blessing in my life. I ADORE him. I couldn't love him more! He is the HOTTEST, sweetest, smartest, funniest, most thoughtful, loving, hard working, devoted, sincere MAN I know. He is a GIFT FROM you get that? GOD has given this man to me as a GIFT...we are to treasure our husbands, love them, bless them...REMEMBER why you married him, why you love him...find a way EVERYDAY to let him know you love him, respect him, value him, place him above ALL OTHERS (except God of course)...ABOVE ALL OTHERS...

Stop looking for the negative and for heaven's sake...STOP ALWAYS POINTING OUT THE NEGATIVE...look for the positive and point that out...Pay attention to the words you say to him, pay attention to your tone...

If you do this I PROMISE YOU, he will notice it, and begin to do it for you too...You have a FANTASTIC marriage and not just mediocre...

Ok..there you go...just wanted to share. :-)

Have a BLESSED day!

You can visit Marriage Builders for more ideas and help.

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