Friday, May 12, 2006

About that hem.

Ok..before I start I want to put a disclaimer...

*I am only 29 years old. I have only been married for 4 1/2 years. I am not claiming to have all the answers, I'm not even claiming to be right. I am only sharing things I have learned from my own personal experience or from the experiences of others close to me...I NEVER intend to offend anyone, I pray that what the Lord has revealed to me may help someone. I have felt very compelled lately to use my blog for a purpose other than a journal. I have felt led to share what the Lord has taught me about marriage and family. I don't claim to be a counselor, just a Christian wife and mother who is striving to better my relationships with my family by listening to God's will and not my own. If anyone needs help or is hurting feel free to let me know how I can pray or help, ask me questions....I will always share from my heart and there are TONS of resources that can get you on the path to healing.

I don't want any of you to think that I believe I know it all. I don't have a perfect marriage or life. I will never claim to, because we are all sinners that is only attainable in Heaven. I AM trying to live my life to the potential that God sees in me and everyday I try to find ways to move closer to my goal. I just want to share some of these things with you guys.

Heather raised some issues she has with the article I shared regarding intimacy and a woman's role. Heather, this post is not really directed at you...Your comment and concerns just motivated me to share my view on this issue.

So, with some hesitation and some red cheeks I will share my not-so-politically correct or worldy-correct view for any of you that might be interested...

I agree that there can be many variables when it comes the reasons for a lack of intimacy between a husband and a wife. I think that this article is addressing one major problem though (but not suggesting it is the ONLY REASON for a lack of intimacy). Something I've seen in my own marriage over and over and several other marriages I've been close to; we (as wives/mothers) get busy, tired, overworked, overwhelmed and stressed out and it becomes very easy to put off our husbands needs.

I look at it this way; whether or not he is meeting my needs, it is my responsibility to meet his. We are called as wives to do this. I can't control what he does, whether he's working on our relationship is out of my control. However, what I can control is what I do and my attitude. And, as I've said before, it is almost a guarantee that if you focus on blessing your husband DESPITE his attitude, it will have a major impact on your marriage. A lot of problems in marriages come from the vicious circle of "he's not meeting my needs", "well she's not meeting mine." Which came first, did he stop meeting her needs so she stopped meeting his, or vice versa? It doesn't really matter. It's the "he/she started it syndrome". We as women have a HUGE influence on the direction that our marriage takes. If we don't take the initiative then it very likely will deteriorate.

I think this particular article is simply addressing the woman's side and what our responsibility is as wives. I believe that the majority of intimacy problems in marriages do stem from the woman being overtired and too busy etc. and the interest is just not there. I'm not suggesting it is ALWAYS the woman.

Whether this guy is meeting his wife's needs is not an issue (in my opinion). Whether his feelings are warranted or not, HE FEELS SEXUALLY UNWANTED BY HIS WIFE! That isn't good, BUT those are his feelings. In the same way that we don't want our husbands to tell us we are wrong to feel a certain way or we shouldn't feel a certain way, we shouldn't tell them that either. These are his feelings and the feelings of many other husbands and it is within our power as wives to make him feel wanted. Again, whether or not he is doing his part, I don't think should be part of the equation when considering this.

Again, I don't think this article is saying that it's just woman who don't want sex...I think that in many cases it is though.

My view is basically this…we have influence on our marriage that our husbands do not. We cannot control what our husbands do but we can control what we do. We are called to love our husband and fulfill their needs no matter how tired, overworked, stressed etc. we are - whether we are “in the mood” or not. This is an area that many marriages struggle with.

We are fed day after day by a sinful world that it is all about me me...I think in EVERY area of our lives we are to have a servent's heart...We are to do our best to serve the Lord, our families, and our husbands regarless of whether they are serving you.

I think the author of the article used that letter as a springboard...I don't think she was actually responding to the writer. The letter was just an example of how many men are feeling neglected and "used" (for lack of a better word).

So, as I push the PUBLISH POST button, I will run for cover. I told you I'm nervous about sharing because I usually shy away from any controversy...but I'm dipping my foot in the pool I guess so forgive my nervousness...and be nice. :-)

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