Friday, November 11, 2005

Ding Dong Ditch and Split Personalities

Strange title I know but I think it's cute.

My oldest's youth group (she's in the 6th grade) is doing "Ding Dong Ditch" tonite. They are going out and buying food (and i don't know what else) and packing it in bags, then they go put in on the front porch, ring the doorbell and run so, as my daughter said, "all the glory goes to God and not our church"...I'm sure they enclose something letting them know about Christ...but my daughter didn't exactly have all the details. I can't wait to hear how it goes. She won't be home until after 10! I'll be asleep for sure, but I'll probably wake up to hear about it.

My baby is asleep. She was so tired tonight. I think she's feeling better. I'm feeling much better. Still stuffy and sometimes my ears get plugged like I'm in the mountains but other than that I'm pretty good.

I'm having emotional problems today. Certain times of the month (sorry Cody), as I've mentioned before, this other personality takes over. During this time I need to pray and need all the prayer I can get. I get extremely down on myself and depressed at times and I'm in extreme hyperspeed mode at times. The slightest off comment by anyone (usually my unsuspecting hubby) can send my in a downward spiral, or just my house being messy, or getting a little behind on my daughter's bedtime routine and I start thinking what an awful mom and wife I am. Sometimes it's more than I can handle and I just want to curl up and cry. Today wasn't that bad, as I'm coming out of the extreme hormonal rush and the effects are slowly diminishing, but tonite I did have moments of extreme anger at myself for not being perfect. I know to the rational mind it sounds ridiculous but any of you who suffer from this same problem can attest to the realness of it at the time. My house wasn't "perfect"'s clean, but not everything is put away...and I got behind on my baby's schedule and put her to sleep 45 min late...I know it's irrational and there are things I can do that make it not so intense (we're working on getting health insurance so I can pursue these things that will help).

I'm just sharing this because it's such a huge part of my life and sometimes I need to look back and realize what I was thinking and how I was feeling. I guess I'm also sharing in case there is anyone who reads my blog that has the same problems. Maybe they could help me or I could help them, just by sharing and letting each other know that we are not the only ones.

Psalms 42:5-6
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.

1 Thess 5:16-18
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

YOU ARE GOD ALONE - Phillips, Craig and Dean
You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne

You are God alone

You’re the only God
Whose power none can contend
You’re the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You’re the only God
Who’s worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that’s just the way it is

That’s what You are

Good Night


Amanda said...

Good morning! I lread your blogs daily and I am learning lots about you and your beautiful famiy. I realize I am a stranger but something keeps coming to me that I really want to share. YOU ARE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. Don't let schedules dictate who you and your children are. Also, take time for you. YOU need time for YOU! The house, the kids, they will be there. You need to go by yourself to Target or Starbucks. Find out who YOU are. If we as Moms get so wrapped up in our children, we forget about who we are. Please know that God created you just the way you. The personality, the "moods", everything! He is the author of your book so embrace it! I can truly tell by all of your blogs that your family comes first, as it should. But, don't forget about you. When you take care of you and you spend time with the Lord alone, you will be refreshed and able to take care of everyone elses needs. Don't let the enemy use "that time of the month" to control you. The devil knows he can get control of your mind with negative thoughts about yourself. Don't let him! Sorry about the preaching but we are in this together as moms and I know what you are going through. I will pray for you today. Be blessed!!!!!

Stephanie said...

Thanks Amanda! I know that these thoughts are irrational. In general I don't feel this way about myself...just when my hormones are raging...and even then I know they are not real but it is harder to work through them. Thank the Lord for a wonderful husband and family!

I'm learning to take time for myself, slowly. As usual for a new mom, it's hard for me to leave my baby. I'm just weaning her now and it's really hard. I'm working on it, really.

Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm really grateful for the connections I've made through my blog with wonderful Christian moms like you, where we can encourage one another.