Friday, October 14, 2005

Crazy Me

Well, she went to sleep after crying for 27 min tonight. Hopefully she'll sleep good tonight, I hope that every night. I'm really tired.

She's so full of energy and excitement and adventure and I feel so guilty cuz sometimes I just don't feel like I can keep up. I just want to lay on the couch and not move and not do anything for anybody.

When she has fits I feel like it's a reflection of me. I know it's this point it's not...but it's hard to not feel responsible when she has a fit in front of someone.

PLEASE DON'T GET ME child is so well behaved. She is darn near angelic 99.9% of the time, literally....I couldn't ask for a better kid....but these fits are new...she's never done this before except for a few days when she was about 10 monhts, she didn't want to go on the changing table, high chair, or carseat, but that ended really quick.

When we are out she almost never acts up...I can't even remember one instant. But even 2 times a day to me is too much when we're at home. UGH....i keep thinking of so many things to say about it but the bottom line, I KNOW, is that it's normal for this age. She can't communicate her feelings, she gets frustrated, sometimes she's overtired, sometimes she wants to nurse....she just can't communicate how she feels, she doesn't want to sleep cuz she's learning so much all the time that it's hard for her to wind down....OK, OK....I guess I should just come read this blog everytime I start crying wondering what I've done wrong.

Again, a little disclaimer, everything to me right now is magnified 100 times due to certain hormonal happenings going on right now. The pebble in the water analogy is so appropriate for me this time of the month. Sometimes I just have to sit and breathe and tell myself these feelings aren't real, they are my hormones talking AND Satan taking advantage of me. Sometimes I have such extreme frustration and anger and I know it's Satan whispering in my ear and I just have to pray him away...shu Satan (how would you spell that?), don't bother me! You have no power over me.

Ok, now I'm going to make a big glass of chocolate milk and sit on the couch. The girls are asleep and my hubby is here beside me. Ah, peace.

See you in the morning...I'm sure

No comments: