Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Tired Guardian Angels

No black eyes, no recurrent bloody nose, NO NOTHING...she woke up several times, surprise surprise...but she was fine today. Thank the Lord!

Today I did a whole lot of BLAH...we went to church tonight. I love Wednesday night church. I was telling my hubby...Sundays EVERYBODY goes to church no but Wednesdays it's the one's who really want to be there to worship. Tonight's message especially had meaning to me. It was on Acts 15:1-11, where the Jewish Christians were arguing about putting the yoke of the law on the Gentile Christians. Our pastor talked about how we unfairly put our yokes on other people (and in my case myself) when we can't even carry them ourselves and how Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 the His yoke is easy and light. We carry burdens that we don't need to carry. If it feels to heavy and is bogging us down it isn't of God. AND He's yoked together with us to help us bear what burdens we do have. ANYWAY....I have this other person that takes over my body about once a month and it gets really bad. She began to show her face tonight. This whole thing with the baby not sleeping well and fighting every nap and now fighting on the changing table AGAIN (I've already been through this once and I thought I broke her of it, guess not)...I started wondering what the heck I'm doing. I must not be doing this right. I was sitting listening to her cry in her crib thinking WHY WON'T SHE GO TO SLEEP????? SHE'S TIRED!!! I'm so inconsitant yada yada yada....insert negative internal dialogue....I got her and nursed her and she did fine in the nursery at church and went to bed perfectly when we got home.

My hubby keeps telling me to pray for God's guidence and wisdom and comfort....and I always say yeah, yeah, yeah...but I don't do it. This other me that begins to take over intensifies all my feelings by about a million and I spiral into a dark place that it's so hard to come out of. This is another area he tells me to pray about and I keep saying...but it's hormones, it's not my attitude, I know these feelings aren't real....HELLO! Who created me? Why do I feel I have to bear this all myself?

Matthew 11:28-30
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I'm not spending any quiet time with the Lord and my prayer time usually consists of before meals and while I'm begging God to just let the baby go to sleep.

Our church is having a ladies Bible Study right now and I had signed up but the walker's nursery filled up so I couldn't attend the Bible Study HOWEVER, thanks to the internet, they are all online and I have the book now SO starting tomorrow, I will begin this Bible study and share what I'm learning.

The Bible Study is on Elizabeth George's Putting On A Gentle & Quiet Spirit...this should be good!

Well, it's another night...my wonderful hubby brought me flowers today...he's so thoughtful and he's so supportive during these times when I get out of control. What would I do without him? He's snoring over on the couch right now. He was listening to Pancho Juarez on his MP3 sunglasses (the are neat, Oakley's). But, the sandman got him. I'm recording more of Pancho right now for him to listen to tomorrow.

I'm gonna go....thanks to all of you who have visited and read my posts.

Until Tomorrow....

1 comment:

Rebekah said...

hey,
you sound so much like me, it's crazy. really, it is.

anyway, i had my first child almost 6 years ago and have struggled in the area of quiet time. before kids, it's easier to squeeze in the time here and there. but with children there are constant interruptions and you never know what your day will bring from day to day.

i posted on my blog a huge learning for me regarding quiet time as a mother. i hope this link works:
http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=13113287&postID=111840703631888056

i pray that maybe it will bring some blessing to your life. i wish i had experienced this learning earlier on as a mother and not spent so many years being hard on myself and missing so many ways of God speaking to me.

i will definately keep you in my prayers, as i feel like we're experiencing many similarities in our Christ walk.

if there is anything that i can pray specifically for you on please let me know, i would love to lift you and your family in prayers. bekherzog@yahoo.com